“How was school?” is an easy question to ask at the end of the day – and “fine” is often an equally easy answer to give.
That does not mean children do not want to talk. Sometimes the timing, the question or the feeling of sitting down for a formal conversation can make it harder to know where to begin. Many useful family conversations happen while something else is going on: walking the dog, driving somewhere, preparing dinner, sitting around the table or doing a shared task.
Peer Support’s Talk-And-Walk-A-Thon uses the same idea at school. Students walk with a peer and use a conversation card to help start a discussion. Families can use simple prompts in the same way – not to turn everyday moments into lessons, but to create a little more space for curiosity, listening and connection.
Ask questions with somewhere to go
When children tell us about a problem, it can be tempting to solve it immediately. Sometimes that is exactly what they need. At other times, they may first need the experience of being heard.
You can make that space by reflecting what you heard, asking what happened next or checking whether they want ideas. This keeps the conversation collaborative and helps children practise explaining their thoughts and feelings in their own words.
Listening does not mean agreeing with every interpretation or leaving a concern unaddressed. It simply allows you to understand more before deciding what support or guidance is useful.
Listen before moving into advice
When your child describes a difficult social moment, it is natural to focus on what happened to them. Once they feel heard, gently widen the conversation: “What do you think the other person may have thought was happening?” or “Was there another way someone could have seen it?”
Considering another perspective does not mean agreeing with unkind behaviour or dismissing your child’s feelings. It helps children gather more information before deciding what to do next.
Share something too
Conversation works best when it is not an interview. Children learn about communication partly by experiencing adults who answer questions, tell stories, admit uncertainty and show interest in other people’s views.
If you ask your child what they are looking forward to, answer the question yourself as well. If you ask about a favourite family memory, share yours. Small amounts of age-appropriate self-disclosure can make the interaction feel more reciprocal and give children an example of how a conversation can move back and forth.
Use ordinary moments instead of waiting for the “right time”
There is no perfect setting for a meaningful conversation. In fact, side-by-side activities can sometimes make talking feel more natural because the conversation is not the only thing happening.
A short walk, the trip to sport, setting the table or waiting in the car can all become opportunities to ask one good question and see where it leads. The goal is not to make every moment deep. Regular, low-pressure conversation helps create a pattern in which talking is normal and available when something more important does come up.
Try a different conversation starter
The Talk-And-Walk-A-Thon family cards include prompts that move across family life, identity, hopes and everyday wellbeing. A few to try at home are:
- What’s your favourite family memory?
- What do you hope never changes?
- What things are you looking forward to in the future?
- What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?
- What values or beliefs are important to you?
- What should we do more of as a family?
You can put a few prompts in a jar, choose one at dinner, take one on a walk or invite your child to write questions of their own. The best question is the one that gets both of you interested enough to keep talking.
Model curiosity and respect
Children notice how adults respond when they hear an opinion they do not share. A respectful conversation can include disagreement, surprise and different perspectives without becoming dismissive.
Simple habits help: let the other person finish, ask what led them to that view, avoid turning every difference into a correction and show that changing the subject or passing on a question is allowed. These behaviours model the same conversation skills children use with friends, classmates, teachers and other people in their community.
Keep the conversation available
Not every question will lead to a long discussion, and not every child will want to talk at the moment you ask. That is okay. The value is in making conversation a familiar part of family life and showing that interest and listening are available without pressure.
If your child’s school is running the Talk-And-Walk-A-Thon, ask them which conversation card they used, who they spoke with or which question they would bring home. The free family cards in the toolkit are designed to help continue the conversation beyond the school event.
